A League Intermission

     After a long, long time playing League of Legends throughout my days whenever I have a little free time or to unwind at the end of a busy day, I've finally snapped. Even though I do enjoy the occasional game, lately I've realized that more often than not, I have more negative feelings when playing the game than I do positive ones. For a game that's supposed to be fun, I have been recording how my mood spikes during the game sessions and how I'm left after playing, and I've come to the conclusion that I need a break. But instead of leaving it there, I wanted to do some digging on why and how League affects me this way now, when it didn't always do this...

    Originally, one of the core appeals of League was that it was a team-based game, meaning it forced cooperation with my friends and the occasional kind stranger I'd meet playing the game. It was a nice way to bond with my longer distance friends from other colleges consistently every night, allowing for us to connect over a shared activity that involved communication between each other and high-speed action. However, as time passes, I realized that I would spend time playing a lot of League alone, trying to improve my skills so I could do better when I played with my friends, and to kill some free time I'd have, since I only have one class a day this semester. This meant that a lot of the communication and cooperative aspects of the game that I enjoyed, were no more, since I wouldn't be able to talk to my random teammates on call, and typing in the chat often went ignored.

    So, that's probably the first bit of frustration I would have with the game. As often as I would play with my real friends, I would spend twice as much time dealing with teammates who I couldn't talk with, or if I did, wouldn't listen to me. It feels silly to complain about it, but the facts is that removing the human interaction from League felt really isolating, especially since I'd often spend time in my room playing games alone instead of going outside and socializing with real people. This is a trap that a lot of college guys can fall into if they aren't careful, and while I'd say I never got to that point as a result of other commitments and good friends who would invite me out, there was still a risk of me preferring staying in and playing a few games instead of going on a walk, going to the gym, or writing. The easy choice in life is usually not the right choice, and for me, making that distinction was hard.

    If I'm being honest, a big aspect was also that my random teammates sucked. I'm self aware enough to know I'm not as good as I'd like to be at this game, but truly, some of the performances I've seen from people have been eye-opening at how terrible a human being could be at this game. League is infamous for its toxic community, and while I'd often joke with friends that playing League had made me a worse person, I'd often find myself getting way too frustrated over something as simple as a videogame, muttering phrases under my breath that I'd never say to a person in real life. Unironically, the game was bringing out a side of myself that I really didn't like to acknowledge, and while I think that in moderation, playing League is fine, this was a striking reminder that overdoing anything, even a game, can have dire consequences on the rest of your personality.

    But what was the last straw that made me snap out of this League-induced stupor? What possibly could be that final smack in the face that woke me up and revealed how bad the game had been affecting me?

    A few days ago, I requested a League audit, which was a basic report about a bunch of stats from my entire time playing this game, which I had started playing over the summer between graduating high school and starting college, And while I skimmed over some fun statistics, one number in particular made me stomach drop and my hands go numb: Time Played. Time is one of those things that you never really want to be aware of in life, because the more you pay attention to it, the more it stresses you out, gives you anxiety about wasting your life. Still, there are moments where you realize you are wasting your life, and one of those moments is when you read that you've spent over 900 hours playing League of Legends.

    900 hours. That equates to a little over 37.5 days. An entire month of my life spend hunched over a desk, having fun sometimes, sure, but mostly spent in frustration, anger, or anxiety. That is no way to spend your time, especially alone and indoors when I should be enjoying my college years. This grave reveal was enough to shock me into making a decision: I will only play when my real friends are online (so no more solo queues), and I'll only play three games per day maximum. Ideally, I probably won't hit that limit most days, and perhaps even not play some days at all, but I needed to take a step towards fixing this addiction, because while it isn't something dangerous like alcohol or drugs, this is making my life worse because of overuse, and I need to fix that before it gets worse.

    Well... that was pretty grim stuff. While I was writing this blog post, I also decided to make a quick compilation of some fun moments from playing recently... It helped cheer me up a little, and I'll consider it a sendoff to this unhealthy chapter of my life with videogames.